Friday, August 15, 2014

Money Sucks

Alright, time for a bit of a rant.

I've been a bit stressed, lately. Hence me not giving any thought to the blog. I just don't have the mental resources for it right now.

Anyways, my friend and her husband are staying with me and my boyfriend right now. We're helping them get on their feet. Well my friend's mom, who has been watching their son, went crazy about them wanting to move their son out here. She freaked out on them, said they only care about money, etc. Consequentially, they no longer felt comfortable leaving their son with my friend's mother. I don't blame them. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, either.

So I dropped the $350 it would take to get their son here with us. I didn't even think twice about it. This is where I get screwed over. I miscalculated where my finances are, and ended up with a negative balance in my account. Well, different charges that posted to my account left me with 3 separate overdraft fees. I am currently sitting at $-100. I don't get paid for another week. I'm helping to support a household of 4 adults and 1 full-time kid, with 2 others on occasion.

I can see why I'm stressed. We have enough food in the house, and cash to stretch until my next pay day. But even then, I am going to be working on less money than I had planned on. We will likely be recovering from this blow for a couple of months. And hopefully it doesn't happen again in the coming months.

Things should be easier come October, when I get an "extra" pay check. I get paid bi-weekly, so that month just happens to fall so I get three instead of two, in which case, I have about a half of a paycheck worth of money extra.

But as it turns out, my boyfriend and I are expecting a child. And I need to come up with $6000 within 30 weeks in order to afford the midwife I want. (Charges patient up-front, then submits to insurance for re-reimbursement.) So every spare penny we can come up with goes there, followed by a car seat, we'll need to figure out new transportation that will carry all of us, unless we want to continuously use two vehicles when going places together. And then an all-new stash of cloth diapers, clothing, etc. (All that can be used, except for the car seat.) So I currently have NO idea where all this money will come from. And I'm freaking out. It doesn't help that I'm a hormonal wreck and at the point where I eat all the food. Pretty soon that'll be throw up all the food, so I guess my body figures it'll get the calories in while it can.

I could use a bit of sanity. Anybody have any extra laying around somewhere? Should I just pray to the Gods and play the lottery? That method is proved to work, right?

Hope y'all are in better places than we are right now.


Tuesday, August 5, 2014


Mondays suck. Yesterday was the epitome of suckiness. It seemed like nothing could go right. I couldn't connect to my work server, my boss was out of the office, and the IT guy never answered my voice mail.  So I got a whopping nothing done. I feel wonderful about that, especially with a deadline fast approaching. Then, I dropped a box and had  two of my three favorite bowls break, as well as the ceramic for a fancy crock pot. I cried about that. Later, I realised I lost my fitbit, which means I'm out 100-some-odd dollars if I don't find it. I cried about that.

Then I just gave up on the world, then. I was done. I went off on my own, read, cried some more.  Every little thing just came crashing down on me.

And I have no idea where this post is going. I have a whole list of topics I have written about in the past and want to revisit, or that I want to write about, or learn about and then share that with you.

I have a few things planned, once money kicks back up again. Separation is difficult. Now I have two people to care for (plus the  boyfriend and his two kids, slightly) on one income, rather than three people on two incomes.

One of these is getting my septum pierced. This will happen, soon. The next, which I'm unsure of when it will happen, is the main tattoo that I want. It is a full back piece. I have most of it sketched out, somewhere, if I can ever find it.  I just don't know what happened to those sketch books at this juncture in my life.  I have moved so much. Everything is just jumbled around. Between my shoulders will be a Thor's Hammer, and down towards my lower back will me a Valknut. Connecting the two will be Yggdrasil, the world tree.

It will be an expensive piece. And so many other things come first, sadly. But I refuse to put something like that ahead of housing and food for my family.

I still don't know where this is going, and I'm just rambling, now.  I haven't slept all that well in a few days, and it is taking its toll. Maybe I'll get more organised sometime today.

Hope y'all are well.


Monday, August 4, 2014


I totally fell off the face of the earth this weekend. Life got crazy. It is what it is. 

I follow a few boards ( for one) that center around heathenism. A lot of the people who are new to this way of life always ask what to do for offerings to the Gods. It is simple, in my mind. Whatever you have is fine. Preferably it is something important or significant to you in some way. If you can take the God's/Goddess' preferences in mind, either from personal experience you have gleaned from working with them, or from the lore, it wouldn't hurt. 

My son has been sick the past few days. Nothing to worrying, but I feared it was going to get worse and I would have to take him to the ER for a late night visit. I put him back to sleep after he had woken up. He was feverish. I opened up the bottle of mead I had been saving, poured a large glass and went out back where there were embers from the fire we were enjoying earlier in the evening. 

I cried and said a prayer to Eir, who is known for healing. She is generally known for abstinence, so I don't think that she enjoys mead much. But mead is also known as the drink of the Gods. And it was a special bottle to me. 

When I poured the mead over the embers, it flamed up above my head (I was sitting next to the fire pit.) 

This morning, my son is feeling better. I don't think he is 100% quite yet, but I can see the improvement.

Offerings don't need to be some big to-do. It doesn't need to be a full-out blot. It doesn't need to be a slaughtered goat. It doesn't need to cost a lot of money. Just go with what you have and do what feels right. A gift for a gift. 


Friday, August 1, 2014

Signs from the Gods

It seems that a lot of Heathens tend to scoff at or dismiss what some consider to be signs from the Gods. It's too "woo" or we're just feeling like special snowflakes, or they just plain think that the Gods don't care.

And hel, that may be the case. But if it means something to you, that is really all that matters. If you take some kind of symbolism from an experience, and it helps you get your mind on track or figure something out, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

I have had 3 signs, in the form of an animal showing up in my life, that I feel may have been sent by the Gods. Who knows if it is just me seeing something and making something out of nothing. But it has always been a nudge forward and helped me get back on track.

My first sign, it was shortly after my husband had assaulted me. I was doing the whole single mom thing for the first time. I was drowning in daily life. Barely making it through. I saw a hawk on the side of the road eating its prey. Now that isn't something you see very often. A hunting bird will usually take its kill elsewhere, and not less than a foot from a busy road. I took this to be a sign from Frigg that everything is going alright, and to just push through. I, at that time, found my strength in Frigg's love and was reminded to nurture myself and my son.

Later, a few months after that, I was driving around on some winding back roads and two ravens (or possibly very large crows, but I doubt it) landed in the middle of an intersection directly in front of me. I had to slow my vehicle down until they flew off. (I should get a bumper sticker that says "I brake for Ravens" with a Valknut on it, or something.) This I took to be a sign from Odin. I had been straying from faith, not thinking much of anything. I was in a depressive state, still barely making it through the day. It was a kick in the ass that I needed to get back in gear.

Most recently, there was a snake in the yard. It slithered off as quickly as it could the second it saw me. Now, this I don't think of necessarily as a message from the Gods, but I think it was a message. Loki is punished by being placed under a snake (or a serpent) and having the venom drip on him. Snakes are the bad guys. Chaos. Keep in mind my post from yesterday. I am living in chaos right now. We're slowly getting rid of it, but it is going. It has to.

Something, something, ties everything up.

Signs are what you make of them. If it's important to you, it is up to you to figure out what it means. Nobody else can do it for you, I've learned that much. They are tools at your disposal to keep you on track with where you're going in life.

Me? I'm headed somewhere good. Not entirely sure where/what that is just yet. But I'll get there. Meanwhile, I'm just along for the ride.


Thursday, July 31, 2014


This is another quick post today. Life is still in Chaos, and it's about to be added to.

I think I have mentioned that I just  moved all of my stuff to my boyfriend's house, which was already packed full of even more stuff. Well most of what I own is in boxes, and they're stacked wherever we could find room. Well, my best friend is moving to the area, and will be crashing at our place for a while until her and her husband can get set up on their own.

Did I also mention my boyfriend has his two kids this week? Three kids, 9, 7, and 2. And four adults. This is quite a small home. That in and of itself would be chaotic. But add in the mix of everything being out of place. It's damn near an episode of hoarders, with 9 cats (two adults, and two litters of kittens). Thankfully, the cats will be brought to a local no-kill shelter today or tomorrow.

But chaos is a good thing. It is a catalyst for change.

This had me thinking about Loki not too long ago. So many people view Loki as an evil god. He isn't. He gets into trouble, and often brings the other gods along for the ride. But everything generally turns out just fine in the end, usually with some kind of bonus. Loki's presence is very important, as is chaos. It moves us forward, propels us to new things.

On the flipside, however, too much chaos will lead to depression, anxiety. Everybody has their limits. Chaos generally creates stress, which wears down the human mind and body fairly quickly.

My boyfriend and I are working until late every night in order to get the house back up to running standards. Clean, orderly. Effective. We've had our setbacks, but it's progress. We both work long days, there is always at least one kid underfoot. We put them to work where we can, but that is not always the case.

I feel the effects of this chaos keenly. I am very sensitive to it. I am tired all the time, and my body hurts.

I look forward to the time when all we have to do is work and basic upkeep in our home. Until then, I will push through. Perseverace is important. And I will do it for my son, for my boyfriend, but most importantly for myself. Because I'm no good to anybody when I can barely function on my own.

I'll be meditating on the rune Uruz for it's strength and persistence. I'm hoping I can pull some of that for my own use.

Until next time.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014


I know I just started this... But I do want to get into the habit of at least posting daily...

Only problem is I am in the middle of a move and everything. So I'm going to step back for today and just post a bit of bullshit.

Everything is in chaos right now. Most everything I own is in boxes. I just moved in with my boyfriend.

My friend is moving to the area in a couple of days, so her and her husband will be staying with us for a little bit. So chaos will be getting even worse. But life is good.


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My Spiritual Path

There are as many different views on what religion/faith is to people as there are people that hold some faith. Be it Christian, Muslim, Wiccan, Jewish, Heathen, Buddhist, or just general pagan. Each person holds their own beliefs, and it means something special to them. I am no different. 

My faith has evolved over the years. I grew up in a Christian household. My mother was the driving factor in that. She had Faith, and it was strong. She wanted me to grow up with that. We didn't go to church on a weekly basis, because she was sick. I was baptised, I went to a class for my first communion on Saturdays, up until I completed that and had my first communion. I was a good daughter, and I did what was asked of me. I tried to believe it, but none of it really made sense to me. 

After my mother passed, and her funeral, I never stepped foot in that church again. I went to my friend's protestant church occasionally. It didn't feel too different, though I liked the community in that church much better than that from my "home" church that I grew up in. 

I was twelve, talking to random people in AOL chat rooms. Not exactly the best idea for somebody of that age, but my father was very lax, and I don't think he really knew what I was doing online. I had my own computer. He didn't (still doesn't, really) know how to use one. And that's fine. I didn't get abducted or abused in any real way. I'm not saying it was right. But it is what it is. Anyways, now that I've gone off on a tangent, let's get back to the applicable story. 

In one of these chat rooms, I met a person by the name of Jordan. Looking back, I don't know whether they were male or female, but I'm fairly certain they were male, a year or two older than me. He introduced me to Wicca. It made sense for me at the time. I did a lot of reading. I picked a "wiccan" name. Skye. He chose the name Kyla for me, because it meant "lovable". I still use both as pseudonyms on occasion.  (If you ever happen to read this, feel free to contact me, as I think it would be quite interesting to see where things have gone for you after we lost contact.)

After a couple of years of considering myself Wiccan, I fell out of the honeymoon phase, and was just "pagan". I knew there was something within that realm of belief systems that would make sense to me, I just wasn't sure what yet. So there I stayed for a few years. 

I was 17, I think, when I decided to do some reading on mythology and the various pantheons. I started with Greek, and then I moved onto the Norse pantheon. Here is where something clicked. 

I was reading on Thor when I made my big revelation. There had been many instances where I can see how his presence touched my life. I was born on a Thursday (Thor's Day), in December. I am a Sagittarius, which is said to be ruled by Jupiter. Translate that to Norse, and you have Thor as the counterpart. Even as a small child, I had never been afraid of thunderstorms. Rather, they have a calming presence on me. 

There are a few things I know, because of this connection I have with Thor. One is that I will never have to worry about being harmed during a storm. The other is I will never be seriously injured in a car accident. These are things I know. It doesn't mean I am stupid about it. I still use caution and prudence when I am driving or during a storm. If I were to be foolish, then shit could most certainly go down. I am not at liberty to just go rampant and without caution because of what I know to be true. 

I digress. 

From there, I learned about Asatru. And the more I read the more it made sense. I started out with a very romanticised view of Asatru. Very much so on the fluffy side. Most Heathens would have hated me. Over the years, I've refined my beliefs and lean much more towards the reconstruction (recon) side of things. I still hold a few practises from my Wiccan days. I will use herbs and charms, and do some energy work for magic. Though I don't think that excludes me from Asatru. They aren't mutually exclusive. And from the way I understand things, Odin, the Allfather, is big on the "if it works, do it" with regards to methods. To him, the ends justify the means. 

This originally was going to be a post about what Asatru means to me, but I got lost in the back story. So I changed my path for the day. Hopefully the story wasn't too bad. I'll get to that post tomorrow. If I don't end up going off on another tangent.